(The following was supposedly published on a financial paper)

Multinationals order their staff not to say nasty words.

TO: ALL STAFF
SUBJECT: IMPROPER LANGUAGE USAGE

It’s been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our establishment that offensive language is commonly used by our staff.

Such behavior, in addition to violating the Company’s policy, is higly unprofessional, offensive to both visitors and customers.

Staff will immediately adhere to the following rules:

1.- Words like 'cunt', 'prick' and other such expressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion is.

2.- You will not say la 'he screwed it up' when someone makes a mistake, or 'he’s screwing himself up' if you see somebody been reprimended, or 'what a shit' when a major mistake has been made.

All forms derivated of the verb 'to screw up' are inappropriate in our enviroment.

3.- No project manager, section head or administrator, under any circumstances will be referred to as 'the son of the big bitch', 'the big bastard' or 'the shit eater'.

4.- Lack of determination will not be referred to as 'lack of balls' or 'homosexualism', nor will persons who lacks initiative be referred to as 'silly bugger', or 'shit-scared'.

5.- Unusual or creative prime’s and subco’s ideas not to be referred to as 'mental wanks'.

6.- Do not say como 'how he fucks' if a person is persistent, or 'he’s fucked up' if a collegue is going through a difficult situation.

Futhermore, you must not say que 'what a fuck' when matters become complicated.

7.- When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say 'go to hell' nor should you ever substitute “May I help you?” by 'What the hell do you want'.

When things get tough, an acceptable expression such as 'We are going through a difficult time' should be used rather than 'this is fucked up'.

Additionally, if you make a mistake, just say so and do not say 'I fucked it up'.

8.- No salary increase should be ever referred to as 'a shitty increase'.

9.- Under no circumstances should you call our elderly industrial partners 'the elder bastards'.

10.- Last but not least, after reading this note please do not say 'I’m gonna have my ass cleaned with it'.

Just keep your ass clean and dispose this note properly.