Step 1: Buy an approximate 10 pound turkey for 6 people, a bottle of whiskey, salt, pepper, olive oil and some bacon strips.

(Note:The bottle of whiskey should be of a regular size as shown in the "pitcher.")

Step 2: VERY IMPORTANT.- If the turkey is alive it should be killed before cooking it.

Step 3: Wrap the turkey with the bacon, tie it, add salt and pepper to taste and a hint of olive oil.

Step 4: Preheat the oven on high for ten minutes.

Step 5: Have a glass of whiskey during that time.

Step 6: Put the turkey in a tray and into the oven.

Step 7: Pour yourself out a couple of glasses of whiskey and have them.

Step 8: Set the "therbostat" on 8 after 20 "binutes 2 roist" it , no! To roast it.

Step 9: "Prink" three "classes" of whiskey.

Step 10: After "calf-an-dour", "oven" the "open" and check the "booking" of the "duck?."

Step 11: Take the "vottle" of "ooiskee" and pour a big amount out behind the "pie" (no! The tie.)

Step 12: Take the "vottle" of "ooiskee" and pour a big amount out behind the "pie" (no! the tie.)

Step 12 bis: "Vurn" your hand with the damned "oben doour" when closing it, oh, "vitchy" shit!!!

Step 14: Trying "sistting" down on the bitchy chair and swallowing five or six "ooiskees of glass" to death, or the contrary? At "dis toint" I do not "rilly knou."

Step 15: "Poast" (no,) "Goast" (no,) roast (no, oh, yes!,) roast the "burkey puring" four hours.

Step 16: "Uou!" five more "classes". Oh, I "lobe demmmmmmm..."

Step 17: "Taqe" the "oven" from the "turkey."

Step 18: "Poursh" another good stream of "guiskee" over yourself.

Step 19: Trying to take the "oven" out of the "shitty purky" again, as it didn’t work at the "phirst" try.

Step 20: "Prick" the turkey up from the floor. Wrap it in a "dirty" cloth and put it back on a "blate," or a "clate," or a "trai."

In brief, "to hell..."

Step 21: Fall "horns" first due to the grease in the "wiles," or tiles in the "chicken" and try to stand up.

Step 22: Get the conclusion you feel wonderfully well in the floor and "phinish" the "vottle" of "ooiskee."

Step 23: Crawl up to the bed, "sliip" the whole night.

Step 24: The following morning, drink a lot of water to decrease the inexplicable headache, eat the turkey cold with a big amount of mayonnaise, and take the rest of the day to clean the messy kitchen up.