1.- What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

You can unscrew the lightbulb.

2.- How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One hundred. One to change the bulb and ninety-nine to say, “I could have done it.”

3.- How many surrealist does it take to change a light bulb?

A fish. (a fist. You understand, don’t you?)

4.- How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, and there’s nothing funny about it.

5.- How many “Louisies” does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three. One two screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

6.- How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They’ll just declare darkness the new standard.

7.- How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one, but the lightbulb has to want to be changed.

Alternate version:

How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

What do you think?

8.- How many video editors does it take to change a lightbulb?

They can change it for you, but it’s not gonna look any better.

9.- How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the lightbulb, and the other to drink until the room spins.

10.- How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and the other to suck MY DICK!

11.- How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. The trick is getting them in there.

12.- And how many cats?

Do you think that cats, having an excellent night vision are gonna waste their time in those things.

14.- How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one, but it can take to her about ten years. Twenty years if a second blonde is giving her opinion. Thirty years if they are three, and so on.